And then, out of the blue, there’s one; and not much to do about it, except to grieve. Because whether you like to admit it or not, your partner coming up to you to ‘talk’ only for them to inform you that they cannot do it anymore and that they are sure they will not change their mind, even with therapy is the most gut-wrenching, heartbreaking thing you can go through. Understandably, days leading to the signing of the marital separation agreement, hours, days, weeks and months after, you will be in despair, and it will feel as if you’ll never recover, but you can.
The journey to recovery is, however, tough and you’ll need to acknowledge the fact that you need help at some point. So if you’re feeling numb, you’re in a constant state of panic, your mealtimes are becoming a burden, and if sleep hardly comes by these days, it’s time for you to seek help.
While these symptoms are normal and expected, they could lead to bigger problems down the road. To survive the separation, here are some of the things you should do.
Get a counselor
Most of us overlook the importance of a counselor, yet going through a marital separation is a traumatic experience that should be dealt with. You cannot wait for the effects of the trauma to pass; you have to address it. And a counselor is the only person to help you figure things out.
Seek medical attention from your primary care physician
Even as you deal with the trauma, you must not overlook your physical health. The poor eating and sleeping habits brought in by the trauma could cause physical illnesses. Note that this is also a great time to get an STD test.
In as much as your appetite is gone, try eating something. If chewing sounds like a lot of work, get smoothies for sustenance.
Find someone to help with the children
If you’re the primary caregiver for your children, find help from your family and a babysitter and use that time to take care of yourself.
You know how you used to talk to your spouse about all those random thoughts? Now that you cannot talk to them or even text, write your thoughts and fears in your journal. But, don’t rush into this. Wait until you’re stable to avoid more hurt and damage.
Don’t overshare to the kids
You’ll be tempted to, but don’t pull your kids into this emotional whirlwind. You should also seek professional help when disclosing what’s happening between you two to your kids to protect them; this has to be done with both of you present.
Finally, avoid triggers/ places that will set you down the panic road, and exercise.